Drifting off to sleep I heard the first rustle and whimper escape from the nursery. Sleepily I stumbled to his side to find a pitiful sight. A wet diaper, excessive amount of spit up and a very snotty face met my eyes as my youngest cried out for me. I scooped him up and tried to comfort him as best I could while cleaning him up. Once he was dry and changed with a recently cleaned out nose, I tried to get him back to sleep. Finally he calms enough for me to lay him back into his bed and no sooner than I tipped toed out of the room did he rustle and cry out for me again. As I reached back down to pat his back, he grabbed my finger and held on tight. His fever filled cheeks glistened back at me and I knew that it was about to be a long night.
All night I paced the living room as he drifted in out of a restless sleep. Every so often I curled up on the couch and dosed off for a few minutes here and there. But I would be awakened by pained cries and we would start walking again.
Pat, pat, hum, hum, pace, pace.
With only the glow of a night light and the faint shadow of the moon through the sky light we walked through the night. Motherhood brings out the very best in you. With nothing but compassion and love, I walked and prayed that he would get some relief. I watched him drift to sleep and startle awake in pain. No amount of exhaustion would stop me from walking. Around 5am we both passed out on the couch only to be awakened by slightly larger feet an hour later asking for milk and Mikey.
It is crazy how things have changed through the years. I live a simple life now yet I see immense beauty in it. Today I am seeing just how much sleep depravation I can stand and yet I wouldn't trade it for the world. My child needed me. But the reality is I needed him just as much.